Name has been changed to protect the idiot. Note: I am not the idiot. I left my name as is.


Me: Hello, this is Allyson with your auto insurance company, calling about an accident you were involved in...
Person: I wasn't in an accident.
Me: Is this Mr. Martin?
Person: Yes.
Me: You reported that you were involved in an auto accident on February 24th.
Person: It wasn't an accident.
Me: Excuse me?
Person: I just tapped the rear of the other guy's bumper.
Me: Uh.... Okay... that's what we refer to as "an auto accident".
Person: But it was no big deal!
Me: Uh... yeah. Well, we'll go ahead and take care of the damage for you.
Person: That won't be necessary, there was only a dent in the bumper.
Me: Well, the other person wants that dent taken care of.
Person: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! (Yelling and profanity and something about an illegal immigrant) I'm calling the President!
Me: The President?
Person: OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!
Me: Sir, you are at fault for this accident and we are legally obligated to repair the damages you caused. The President is not interested.
Person: We'll see about that. (Hangs up)

What is it with people always wanting to tell you what you ate or did or didn't do that causes cancer?

Bacon did not give me cancer. Not getting enough fresh air did not give me cancer. Putting my pants on both legs at a time did not give me cancer.

I think the homeopathic stuff can do alot of people alot of good, and everyone has their own things that make them feel more healthy. But not everyone subscribes to that way of thinking. There was nothing I did or didn't do that gave me cancer. My genes just had a freak mutation, and I got sick.

I will continue to eat the foods I want to eat. I will do everything in moderation. I will continue to exercise and live my life to the absolute fullest. Like my mom said this morning, something's gonna get you eventually. If it's the bacon, then so be it. At least I'll die smiling.

:)

Go Ally, it's your birthday, we're gonna drink tequila like it's your birthday...

My coworkers got me a giant potato and put candles in it. :)

They also got ice cream cake, but honestly I think the potato is better. Then we went to Sweet Tomatoes for lunch and buffeted ourselves silly.

And now back to the grind. Ugh. I should have taken the day off.

Today:

- Somebody brought the good coffee creamer to work, since the company cheapskated us out of the good stuff two years ago. Somebody, I don't know who you are, but I love you.

-Note to my customers: If you are going to call me, pretending to be someone else, you should probably make sure I didn't just hang up the phone with the real person. 'Cause chances are, your voice sounds different and I will call you on it and make you feel dumb. :)

-Second note to customers: If you are screening your phone calls, you sound really stupid when you say "Mrs. So & So? Oh, she's not here. Who's calling?" and when I say it is me, and you say "Oh, hold on....... Hello?" I CAN TELL IT'S YOU, YOU MORON. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.

-Third note to customers: Not everyone lives in North Carolina. There are those of us that live in different time zones. So when you leave me a message at six a.m. eastern, I am not going to get that message for a few hours. 'Cause at four a.m. I'm still all cozy in my bed. So it doesn't do any good to leave me another message five minutes later, saying "You haven't called me back yet... are you going to call me back?" 'Cause then it's Four Oh Five, and I am still all cozy in my bed.

-I am going to eat Mexican food for my birthday tonight with John and our friends Chris and Katy. It will be the best Mexican food ever. There will be tequila consumed. We've decided I get a birth-week instead of just a birth-day. Woop, woop!

French Cooking, Part Deux:

Last night we made Mushroom Jalouse, which was basically a cream of mushroom mixture baked in puff pastry. We louvered the pastry and then cut it into slices... it was really good. For the main course we made grilled salmon with Buerre Rouge, (red wine and butter sauce) warm potatoes dijonnaise, and braised baby leeks. When I was trimming the leeks I imagined them tasting like crabgrass, but they were REALLY good. Super tender and buttery. Dessert was a gingerbread cake with cassis sauce, which was good, but not nearly as good as the Pain Perdu from the night before. Then we sampled a white wine with the first course and red with the main course as usual.

Muy delicioso.

I wish I could just go to cooking school all day and never have to earn a living. :)

You are a survivor from the moment you are diagnosed.

For anyone who is a cancer survivor or knows a survivor, this is such a great little movie:The Survivor Movie

My birthday is on Thursday. I'm excited. Not because I'm doing anything in particular, but because I'm able to have a birthday. I never thought I'd be glad to be getting older, but I am. I am. I'm excited that this birthday I feel healthy. Last birthday I was gearing up for my second chemo treatment. This birthday I want to drink bloody mary for breakfast and eat mexican food.

John was in Breckenridge all weekend, so the animals and I lounged around the house. It was bliss. Isabel and I took up the entire bed. The dogs and I played, I refilled the pond, cleaned up a bit and got two good workouts at the gym.

Last night I had my first French class... We made mussels for the first course. I am not opposed to the taste of mussels, it's the texture. I ate the entire bowl, because I'm all about sucking it up and trying things I don't necessarily *like*, but I have to say, mussels are still not my favorite. We baked our own bread and made a pesto broth to coat the mussels. Then we roasted some lamb with a pistachio herb crust (yum!), made an onion, tomato, zucchini & eggplant tian as a side, and a potato gallete in.... drumroll, please.... DUCK FAT. The tian was really good. I liked the other vegetables better than the eggplant. Eggplant can have a bit of a bitter taste. The tomatoes were perfect.

Then, dessert. I am not a dessert girl, but OH SWEET HEAVEN. It was one of the best desserts I have ever experienced. Pain perdu in an apricot Grand Marnier sauce. GOD BLESS AMERICA. I was so full after dinner... like, Thanksgiving full... but I stuffed that pain perdu down the hatch like there was no tomorrow. I will definitely try that recipe at home.

We made so much bread that we all took home half a loaf. We got to try two wines, a white with the mussels and a red with the lamb. It was so fun. I heart cooking school. Tonight my goal will be to not eat so much that I want to cry.

Today is my mom's birthday. And I thought I would brag about her a little, 'cause she is the greatest.

When I was a little tiny girl in my little tiny carseat in the 80's, she would draw little piggies on the paper on the overhead visor in the car so I would have something fun to look at while we were driving.

She used to draw smiley faces on my knees. Who doesn't like happy knees?

She made pot roast and carrots and potatoes on Sunday, which is the greatest meal ever.

She made all my halloween costumes, all my easter dresses, and I ALWAYS looked the most rockin.

She left little notes in my lunchbox so I would always know my mom loved me.

She is Cuter Than All Other Mothers Combined.

She gets manicures and pedicures and goes shoe shopping with me.

When I don't feel like working, she lets me come over and watch tv.

She never bugs me about having kids 'cause she knows I hate that.

She went with me to every single chemo, and even stopped putting that air freshener in her car 'cause she knows I hate it.

She cooked dinners for my husband when I was sick, 'cause she loves him too.

She buys christmas presents for our pets. :)

She isn't one of those crazy annoying moms. She's just cool.

She has cool jeans. But when she wears them, she doesn't look like she's trying too hard.

She is a great role model. When someone tells me I look like my mom, I take it as a compliment.

She is beautiful. See?

Another clean bill of health. I was driving to the doctor's office this afternoon, and when I parked my car, I remembered vividly when I couldn't park my car and walk to the office, because it was too hard. I had to have John drop me off at the door, and then literally hold me up while we took the elevator to the fourth floor. I was too weak and too out of breath to do it.

So today, feeling fabulous, I parked my car and walked WITH GUSTO to the office. And everyone commented on my hair, and how my cheeks are rosy and that I look healthy. My doctor seemed impressed when I told him I started running again.

If there is anything better than feeling healthy, I don't know what it is. 'Cause feeling good is the best thing I have EVER experienced.

You know when you're on a quasi-vacation all weekend, and you take Monday off of work because you are floating about in a heated swimming pool and eating stuffed peppers and drinking guava margaritas, and then you have to Wake Up on Tuesday and Go Back To Work?

Yeah. That stinks. Woe is me. I am sitting here doing nothing. Literally. Nothing. Not surfing the i-net. Not eating. Not drinking coffee. Just staring blankly at my computer screen.

Not that there's not work to be done. In fact, it seems to be multiplying. But I will not be distracted. I continue to stare blankly at my computer screen.

Someone please slap me.



On a totally different subject... there is a lady at work who does not wash her hands after she uses the restroom. Everyone knows this. Everyone talks about her behind her back. Everyone thinks she is gross. And she just came over with brownies that she made ALL BY HERSELF! You would have force feed those suckers to me. No way am I touching the brownies made by old Sally Non Hand Washer. Too gross to think about. With my brain being so lightning fast today, the only excuse I could think of was "Eh..... oh..... uh.... mumble mumble blurb blurb watching my sugar intake....ahem."
But it worked, 'cause she left.

How come when I go to get blood drawn do they always look at the veins in my arm with a half puzzled, half annoyed look? How come? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I don't have the worst veins out there. Sure, they may be a teeny bit hard to find, but not horrendously so.

I went this morning before work to the lab to get blood work done. And I have a follow up with my primary oncologist today, which will be uneventful, I'm sure.

Thursday I have a follow up with my radiation oncologist. He always pokes at my neck and I hate it. Guess that's his job, but STILL.

This weekend we went to Crested Butte. The guys snowboarded and the girls sat around and ate stuffed peppers. Stuffed peppers are the food of the gods, man. They were so good. What could be better than something spicy stuffed with cheese and then FRIED? Not much, I say. Not much.

There was not a single friendly person in the town of Crested Butte. So we have renamed it Crusted Butt. Really.

One week to our ski vacation.
Two weeks until my culinary school class.
Nearly three weeks until my birthday.
And five weeks until we go to Cancun.

Something fun to look forward to at every turn. I am most excited about our trip to Mexico. Here's what I have planned:

1. Lounge on beach.
2. Drink Corona.
3. Repeat.


And not much else.

My mom's birthday is in a week and a half. What should I get her?

I am feeling a bit lazy today. Lazy and overtired. I don't think I've been getting enough sleep. Okay, that's stupid. I KNOW I haven't been getting enough sleep.

I hurt my foot yesterday, so opted to not work out... I went to Panera for lunch, and got the broccoli cheese soup and the smokehouse turkey panini. That sandwich is The Best Sandwich I Have Ever Had. Hands down. Their bread is so good. Then I went over to Borders and browsed the books and music... didn't see anything I liked.

And now it's after lunch, feeling a bit nappish. I think I'd like to lie down immediately.

My coworkers are at their first Weight Watchers meeting. There is a "must lose weight" bug going through the office. I see people from work at the gym every day, people are starting to use the gym downstairs, and everyone's talking about the caloric content of food. It's pretty crazy.