random daily thoughts. with some "i just beat cancer" stuff thrown in.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Here we are at the Crab House, where I had the greatest lobster, jumbo shrimp, alaskan king crab, and stone crab ever.

I miss vacation :)

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I got a haircut during lunch today. My hair is growing SO fast. My stylist thinks that by my next appointment we'll be able to start shaping it into a cute little bob. :) Yay.

Yes, I took that picture in the bathroom. I didn't want people to see me photographing MY OWN HEAD. :)

I read the lyrics to this song on the net and it made me laugh. Remember when I was bald? :)

"I Am Not My Hair" by india arie

Is that India.Arie? What happened to her hair? Ha ha ha ha ha

Little girl with the press and curl
Age eight I got a Jheri curl
Thirteen I got a relaxer
I was a source of so much laughter
At fifteen when it all broke off
Eighteen and went all natural
February two thousand and two
I went and did
What I had to do
Because it was time to change my life
To become the women that I am inside
Ninety-seven dreadlock all gone
I looked in the mirror
For the first time and saw that HEY....

I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I ma not this skin
I am a soul that lives within

What'd she do to her hair? I don't know it look crazy
I like it. I might do that.
Umm I wouldn't go that far. I know .. ha ha ha ha

Good hair means curls and waves
Bad hair means you look like a slave
At the turn of the century
Its time for us to redefine who we be
You can shave it off
Like a South African beauty
Or get in on lock
Like Bob Marley
You can rock it straight
Like Oprah Winfrey
If its not what's on your head
Its what's underneath and say HEY....

(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person?
(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend? Oooh
(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity?
(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
I am expressing my creativity..
(Whoa, whoa, whoa)

Breast Cancer and Chemotherapy
Took away her crown and glory
She promised God if she was to survive
She would enjoy everyday of her life ooh
On national television
Her diamond eyes are sparkling
Bald headed like a full moon shining
Singing out to the whole wide world like HEY...

If I wanna shave it close
Or if I wanna rock locks
That don't take a bit away
From the soul that I got
If I wanna where it braided
All down my back
I don't see what wrong with that

Is that India.Arie?
Ooh look she cut her hair!
I like that, its kinda PHAT
I don't know if I could do it.
But it looks sharp, it looks nice on her
She got a nice shaped head
She got an apple head
I know right?
It's perfect.

YUM. If you like vegetables, or even if you don't,:) you should give this a try. It is delicious. When you roast vegetables, their flavor becomes intensified and they are so good.

Squash, Onion & Tomato Tian
preheat oven to 350. (I heated mine at 400 degrees for about 45 min, depends on the veggie.)

Cut the vegetables in uniform slices about 1/2 inch wide. Rub the inside of a gratin or baking dish with garlic, then olive oil. Layer the veggies in rows like you would a scalloped potato dish. Alternate the vegetables --i.e. one slice onion, then one tomato, then one slice squash. (Like shingles on a roof) Sprinkle with kosher salt and pepper, drizzle with extra virgin olive oil and roast in oven until tender and the vegetables have given up their juice. When serving drizzle with a little more olive oil. SO GOOD.

I've also seen recipes where you can do one layer of onion on the bottom, then a layer of tomato on top of that, and so on.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Post vaca-blahs

Last night I didn't sleep very well. It was pretty restless and I had a bad dream, although I'm not quite sure what it was about. Cleo slept on one side of me, snoring loudly, and Isabel slept on the other. I was so tired when I got up.

Today I'm completely unmotivated and feeling really out of whack. I can't get myself focused on work. I think it's the post-vacation slump. I kind of puttered around on the internet this morning. Waited until 11, went to lunch at Costa Vida with my mom. I had the GIANTshreddedchickenburrito, smothered. With cheese. She had the enchilada and chips and queso. I ate about half her queso. Mmm. I told her all about our trip to Mexico. I never want to go back to work after lunch. Came back, sat down at my desk and stared at my computer screen for about ten minutes. Then got distracted by Julie and Veronica who wanted to get pop. We went down the hall, got caffeine, came back, sat down. I decided I needed some M & M's. And I don't even like chocolate. Got M & M's. Decided I should take in a movie tonight and eat popcorn for dinner. Perused the movie choices. Decided I'll be too tired to stay awake during a movie. Sent an email.

Staring at computer screen again. Listening to people on other side of cube wall laughing. Wishing my vacation would start over again.


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Ever since we got back from Mexico I have been STARVING. All the time. And all I crave is .Chipotle and Costa Vida and Illegal Pete's. MMM.

Monday, March 20, 2006

I love this song so much. It always reminds me of John.

"The Truth" ~India Arie

Let me tell you why I love him

Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly because
His light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie

I remember the very first day that I saw him
I found myself immediately intrigued by him
It's almost like I knew this man from another life
Like back then maybe I was his husband maybe he was my wife
And even,things I don't like about him are fine with me
Cause it's not hard for me to understand him cause he's so much like me
And it's truly my pleasure to share his company
And I know that it's God's gift to breathe
The air he breathes

Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection if him then I must be fly because
His light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie

How can the same man that makes me so mad
Turn right around and kiss me so soft
If he ever left me I wouldn't even be sad no
Cause there's a blessin' in every lesson
And I'm glad that I knew him at all

Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly because
His light it shines so bright

I love the way he speaks
I love the way he thinks
I love the way that he treats his mama
I love that gap in between his teeth
I love him in every way that a woman can love a man
From personal to universal but most of all
It's unconditional

You know what I'm talking about
That's the way I feel
And I always will

There ain't no substitute for the truth
Either it is or isn't
(Cause he is the truth)
You see the truth it needs no proof
Either it is or it isn't
(Cause he is the truth)
Now you know the truth by the way it feels
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly
Because he is, yes he is
I wonder does he know

~Back from Cancun~

After getting stuck in Phoenix BOTH WAYS, we are finally back from our vacation in Mexico. The airlines wouldn't give us our connecting boarding passes, and we had to wait in line all over again and recheck our luggage. So by the time we got to the front of the line our plane had already left. The Sky Harbor airport is the WORST airport ever. We have vowed to avoid Phoenix at all costs in the future. We made the best of our delays and enjoyed ourselves anyway.

The weather in Mexico was perfect. We spent much of our days lounging at the swim up bar, drinking banana monkeys and pina coladas and having fun. We had incredible dinners every night. I've never consumed so much amazing food in one week! We went to Crab House, where we had lobster, king crab, huge shrimp, and some of the best bread and garlic butter. At the Cambalache Steak House I ordered a 14 ounce steak (what was I thinking?) and it was goooood. We checked out Ruth's Chris in Cancun and had the most tender filet mignon and potato gratin. SO GOOD.

The funniest part of the whole trip were these two brothers that were a bit mentally challenged. They decided to follow us around ALL WEEK and we became their new best friends. Their names were Mike and Joe. Conversations with Mike went a little like this:

Mike: Hey, John, Allyson, Chris, Katy, Tom, Dan!! There are my friends! HEEEEEEY GUYYYYYYS!
Us: Hi!
Mike: Do you like the Orioles?
Me: Sure.
Mike: You sure are lucky to have met me, I'm one of the most popular-est guys anywhere I go.
Us: Yeah.
Mike: So what do you think about the Orioles?
Me: Um...
Mike: Hey, Allyson, you are getting sunburned. (which I wasn't) Let me spray some sunscreen on you.
Me: Um...
Mike: Hey, I'm not hitting on you or anything, I know that John is your husband. You don't have to tell him I'm putting sunscreen on you...
Me: I think I'm good... thanks anyway.
Mike (spraying me with sunscreen anyway) Here, you're getting really red. Do you like the Orioles?
Me: I think I have to go over there now.
Mike: Will you guys think of me when you go back to Colorado? 'Cause I'll think of you guys... you guys are the coolest and sweetest.
Us: Sure we will!
Joe(Mike's brother): He thinks about yous guys all the time. He gets so excited, he comes down here and waits for you at the pool every day!
Us: Yay.

And so on and so forth. This happened every day. EVERY DAY.
Thursday we decided to go a sister hotel to check out their pool, and as we're walking in, guess who we see? You guessed it, Mike and Joe. It was almost eery how they would show up everywhere we were.
I'm telling you, you wouldn't believe it unless it happened to you. Too funny.

The last night we had dinner at the hotel's fancy-dancy restaurant, El Conquistador. They make many of the dishes table side, which was way cool. And there was an amazing spanish guitarist playing through dinner. We just had so much fun.

Cancun looked very good considering the hurricane damage. Some of the hotels are still under construction, but many are fully functioning. The beaches still need a little work, but they are still quite beautiful. The villa we stayed in was fantastic. It was just such a good time.

Hard to come back to work this morning. It snowed a ton last night. Ah, the dichotomy.


Thursday, March 09, 2006

Yesterday was a really crummy day.

One of the girls that was a regular poster on the Hodgkin's forum passed away. She was not responding to treatment and developed pneumonia suddenly, and stopped breathing on Tuesday night. It is just so sad and it makes me so angry. I hate this disease. I hate that it takes daughters and sons away from their parents. I hate that it takes moms and dads away from their kids, takes spouses from eachother, takes friends. I hate it.

I lost it for a little bit yesterday... It brought back memories of one of my girlfriends passing away from stomach cancer in August. I went to check her blog because I knew she hadn't been feeling well, only to find that she was gone. It's not fair. Both girls were so young and so brave. It reminds me that there are no guarantees in life.

We will miss you, Caitlin.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Hi. My name is Allyson and I AM A MORON.

Now, let me preface this story by saying my doctors warned me about how sensitive my skin would be post cancer treatment. Wear sunblock, they said. Don't spend time in the sun, they said. Sit under an umbrella, they said.

So I decide I'm going to go to the tanning salon. Yeah. 'Cause I'm so smart.

I'm not one of those people that believes that tanning beds are "safe" or even "safer" than the sun. I know it's bad for you. But I rationalize it by saying to myself "I'll only go for a couple minutes to get a teeeeeeeeeny bit of color."

So I go for three minutes. THREE MINUTES. Three minutes is nothing in the tanning bed world, and I think "Three minutes won't do anything, but I want to be careful."

Last night I started feeling really really... warm.

This morning I am sunburned. SUNBURNED. I repeat, I AM A MORON. I'll be fine by Saturday, I'm just pink. But rest assured, I will be wearing SPF one billion while we are in Mexico.

There. You have been warned. If you are a post cancer patient, let this be a lesson to you. Don't be a moron like me.

Also. I was sleepwalking last night. I haven't done that in years. I was having a dream that there were lizards in my bed and on the floor, and in my dream John said "Watch out, don't sit on the lizards." So I got up out of bed, went to the bathroom and turned the light on, all the while taking giant steps to avoid stepping on the lizards. And I heard John say "What are you turning the light on for?" And I woke up. SO WEIRD.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

There's an interesting article about blogging on jugglezine today.

Monday, March 06, 2006

meeeeeeeeeeexicoooooooooooo, here i come.

there is nothing, i repeat NOTHING in me that wants to work this week. i'm dreaming of sandy beaches, fresh shrimp and corona.

please lordy, make this week go by quickly.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

This was posted by one of my fellow cancer ass kickers on the lymphoma forum and it made me stop and really think today.

I was reading Robin's post where she refered to her "push" antibiotics, and I was struck by the fact that we're now all conversant if not fluent in a language we never wanted to learn - the language of cancer.

Remember when...

a PUSH was something a grownup gave you when you were on the swings?
A DRIP was a guy we'd refer to today as a geek?
BLEO was a sound of disgust you'd make in response to the question "How does liver sound for dinner?"
ADRIA was Rocky Balboa's girlfriend?
CHEMO was always followed by "sabe" and it was Tonto's term of endearment for the Lone Ranger?
A PET was something friendly and furry who generally acted happy to see you when you got home?
A CAT was the sub-type of PET who WAS happy, but would never let you know?
An IV was simply Roman for the number four?
STAGING was what the drama club planned for the Spring play?

It's so true. My language has completely changed. My entire life has changed in ways I don't even realize.