I am home, and very married indeed! I am now Mrs!

Hawaii was beautiful. We had an amazing house that overlooked a reef where fish and crabs would swim about in little tidepools. The weather was perfect, and so was the wedding. We all wore our yellow LiveStrong bracelets and we all cried.

I'm struggling a bit these days. I have so much in my life to be happy about and to be thankful for, but cancer still enters my mind daily and makes me a bit sad. It's hard to explain. I just don't feel like me, and that's frustrating. I'm trying, though, and if this persists I plan to speak with my oncologist about it. He mentioned previously that it's not uncommon to go through some depression during/post treatment. Why, I can't figure out. You would think I'd just be overjoyed to be healthy again. I am, I just can't put my finger on what's going on inside my brain sometimes.

Treatment is a funny thing. I firmly believe it changes you. And I am trying to figure out how to let it change me for the better. Seems as if I had a routine for weeks and weeks... a very predictable routine. That routine was fighting cancer. And now that routine has come to an abrupt halt, and I'm presented with the opportunity to LIVE MY LIFE, and I am almost scared at that prospect. It's like I want cancer to have meant something in my life and I want to do something great and I just don't want to fail.

But I also suppose that there is no failure. I think that any outcome is okay. Because no matter what happens in my future, I will have still killed the beast.