this morning i got out of bed at seven when the alarm clock went off. i was about to get in the shower and realized my port was infected.

ew.

went to my oncologist's office around ten and got poked and prodded for a few minutes, and they prescribed me with an antibiotic and sent me on my merry way. why do they always poke you right where it hurts and ask "does that hurt?"

yes, it hurts. kindly stop that. thank you.

i'm at work now and not feeling like working. i feel like going back to bed and starting again tomorrow.

i'm frustrated about hawaii. it is becoming a different kind of trip for me. i won't be able to lay out in the sun or swim in the ocean or anything. i wanted to try surfing. and now i can't do that, and it pisses me off. cancer really REALLY pisses me off.

my mom made me laugh today when she reminded me of a christmas when i was very little. probably three or four. she had made me a life sized doll that we named "molly"... but she hadn't had time to sew molly's hair on prior to christmas day. my grandpa had just been through radiation and was bald on one side of his head. so she told me molly had had radiation, just like grandpa, and that's why she was bald. and that was perfectly acceptable to me.

perhaps bald should be perfectly acceptable to me now. it's going to have to be in a couple weeks.