random daily thoughts. with some "i just beat cancer" stuff thrown in.

Friday, February 04, 2005

the funny thing is that now cancer is all i can think about. twenty four hours a day. and it never really leaves my consciousness. in the back of my mind, everything has the shadow of cancer on it. the good stuff, the bad stuff... everything.

my neck is a bit sore today. still swollen... and i'm wondering if it's ever going to go back to normal.

this is all so... surreal. almost like it's happening to someone else. it will get more real next week, i'm sure. tuesday i have a catheter put in my chest so they can give the chemo to me without having to poke me with a needle every time. the idea sucks, but i'm sure i'll be glad once i have it it. the prospect of losing my hair scares me. i don't relish the idea of being bald.

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